Stuck in the talking stage? Sorry, but it only ends one way

What is the talking stage?

The talking stage is the stretch between “we like each other” and “we’re together”. You text every day, maybe go on a few dates, but nobody has said anything official and either of you can still talk to other people. It’s the phase where you’re figuring out if this is going anywhere.

It isn’t a situationship yet. The talking stage is supposed to be a step: it leads somewhere, or it stops. A situationship is a talking stage that forgot to end.

How long should the talking stage last?

Usually one to six months. That’s the range the 195 young adults surveyed by Apoorva Mutyala at East Carolina University agreed on most in 2023, especially those who were single or in a talking stage themselves. Past that, it’s not a phase anymore. It’s a habit.

Signs the talking stage is going somewhere (or nowhere)

A talking stage that’s going somewhere shows up in your calendar, not your message count. Texting every day proves nothing if nothing changes from one week to the next.

If the right column sounds familiar, especially if the texts come in waves and then vanish, read up on breadcrumbing: just enough attention to keep you around, never enough to move forward.

What to text to get out of the talking stage

One clear sentence that fits the moment, sent once. Not an essay, not a test, not a trick question.

No answer? Being left on read is still an answer, and that guide tells you how long to wait before you follow up.

Talking stage questions that actually tell you something

The best talking stage questions are about what comes next, not your favorite movie. Small talk fills an evening; these tell you where you’re going.

• “What are you looking for right now?”
• “What does a good week together look like to you?”
• “Are you talking to anyone else right now?”
• “How did your last relationship end?”

Why does the talking stage drag on so long?

Because it costs nothing. A text takes ten seconds, a date takes an evening, and asking “what are we?” could end the whole thing. As long as nobody asks, nobody risks a no. So the talking stage turns into a comfortable place people stay out of fear of the answer, not out of want.

Add dating apps, where talking to several people at once is normal, and you get conversations that run for months without ever picking a direction.

What actually ends the talking stage

In Mutyala’s study, people disagreed a lot about what’s okay during a talking stage. But on one thing almost everyone agreed: what turns it into a relationship is one person asking the other to make it official. Not a number of dates. Not a deadline. One sentence.

Here’s the funny part, or the sad one. Everyone is waiting for that moment, and almost everyone is waiting for the other person to create it. The talking stage isn’t a stage that ends on its own. It’s two people waiting for the same sentence, each on their side of the screen.

Frequently asked questions

What does talking stage mean?

The talking stage is the phase where two people are into each other, text often and sometimes go on dates, without being exclusive or in a relationship. It’s how people figure out if they want something more. It usually lasts one to six months, and it ends when one of them brings it up.

How long should the talking stage last?

A 2023 East Carolina University survey of 195 young adults put it at one to six months. After a month there should have been at least one date; after three, you should know what the other person wants. Six months with nobody asking the question isn’t a phase anymore, it’s a holding pattern.

Talking stage vs situationship: what’s the difference?

No. The talking stage is a step: you get to know each other, and it either becomes a relationship or ends. A situationship looks like a relationship without the name, and it lasts without moving. A talking stage where nobody ever asks the question often turns into a situationship.

How do you end a talking stage nicely?

With a short, honest text instead of silence: “I’ve really enjoyed talking, but I don’t see it going further. I’d rather tell you than disappear.” You don’t need to explain in detail. One clear sentence saves the other person weeks of rereading your texts to work out what happened.