Crush & dating
Got the ick? There are 3 kinds, and only one is worth listening to
5 min read
The ick is the moment someone you liked suddenly turns your stomach, over one small detail: the way they run, a word, a text. There are three kinds. Two are about a detail or about you, only one is really about them, and that’s the only one worth a real conversation.
Sound familiar? Check it on your own conversation.
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What is the ick?
The ick is a sudden drop in attraction, set off by a detail that’s usually tiny. Yesterday, everything was fine. Then they clap when the plane lands, or sign off every text with “hehe”, and suddenly you can’t look at them the same way. The word was popularized by British reality TV, then by TikTok, and now it’s everywhere.
It isn’t doubt. Doubt is something you think through. The ick is closer to a reflex: it lands before you’ve had a single thought about it.
How common is the ick?
Very. In a 2025 study in Personality and Individual Differences, Brian Collisson and colleagues surveyed 125 single adults aged 24 to 72: 75% of women and 57% of men said they’d had the ick. And it isn’t harmless: 42% stopped seeing the person afterwards, and 26% ended things on the spot.
In other words, one detail often ends a story. It’s worth knowing which kind you’re listening to.
The 3 kinds of ick
Not every ick says the same thing. Before you decide anything, put yours in one of these three boxes.
| The kind | Examples | What it’s really saying | What to do with it |
|---|---|---|---|
| The quirk | Running for the bus, Shazaming a song in a club, a cringey nickname, “hehe” everywhere | Nothing about them. Just an image that doesn’t match the one you’d built | Wait. Most fade once you know someone better |
| The mirror | They text back fast, ask for a second date, say they like you | Something on your side: it’s getting real, and that makes you back away | Ask yourself: “would this have bothered me a month ago?” |
| The signal | Being rude to a waiter, mocking you in front of people, talking down to you about your job | A value. How they treat people | Bring it up once, clearly. Their reaction tells you more than the moment did |
Only the third one is really about them. It overlaps with what people call a red flag: a behavior that repeats, not a detail that bugs you.
The icks that come by text
A lot of icks are born on a phone, before the first date even happens. The most common ones are about how people write, not bad taste.
- “k” or “ok.” with a period, in reply to a long message.
- A four-minute voice note to say hi.
- “hehe” or “lol” at the end of every sentence, even sad ones.
- Three question marks when you take an hour to reply.
- A single 🔥 in reply to your story, every week.
Most of these are quirk icks. A short reply doesn’t mean low interest: read what we know about dry texters before you decide. On the flip side, too many texts too soon can be something other than cringe: that’s love bombing territory.
One text that turned you off, or a habit that keeps coming back? RevealChat reads your WhatsApp conversation and shows how each of you writes, month by month.
How do you get over the ick?
- Write down the exact sceneNot “they’re weird”. The scene: “at dinner, when they snapped their fingers at the waiter.” A precise ick can be sorted. A vague one grows.
- Put it in one of the three boxesQuirk, mirror or signal. If you’re not sure, ask yourself whether you’d tell a friend about it laughing, or lowering your voice.
- Don’t decide in the momentGive it a week or two and one more time together. A quirk ick often dissolves in one good evening. A signal comes back.
- If it’s a signal, say it once“When you spoke to the waiter like that, it put me off. Did you notice?” One sentence, no trial. Their answer is worth more than the ick.
Why do I get the ick when someone likes me?
That’s the mirror ick, and it’s the question people search most. Attraction holds while the other person stays a little out of reach. The day the interest becomes mutual, any small detail turns into an exit. If your icks almost always land right after “I like you”, the common thread isn’t the other people.
Collisson’s study points the same way. The strongest reactions didn’t come from the worst behaviors: they came from the people who held their partners to exceptionally high standards. The ick is real. But sometimes it’s a measuring stick, and you’re the one holding it.
Next time it hits, before you ask “what’s wrong with them?”, ask: “would I have noticed this if they didn’t like me back?”
Frequently asked questions
What does the ick mean in dating?
In dating, the ick is a sudden feeling of disgust toward someone you were attracted to, triggered by a small detail: a habit, a phrase, a way of doing something. It was popularized by British reality TV and TikTok. It isn’t considered doubt, it’s a reflex that hits before you’ve thought anything through.
Is the ick permanent?
Not necessarily. A quirk ick often fades once you know the person better and a good memory covers the cringey one. An ick that comes back every time you meet, or that’s about how they treat people, tends to stick. Give it a week or two before you decide anything.
Why do I get the ick so easily?
A 2025 study found the strongest ick reactions went with holding partners to exceptionally high standards, more than with the behaviors themselves. If your icks show up right when the interest becomes mutual, look at that moment: it’s often the closeness that bothers you, not the detail.
How do you get over the ick in a relationship?
Write down the exact scene that set it off, then ask whether it’s a quirk, a mirror or a signal. A quirk fades with time and good moments. A signal gets said once, clearly: “When you did that, it put me off.” Their reaction matters more than the moment itself.
Stop guessing. See what your conversation really says.
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